To be or not to be...

Here I am..standing in the middle of a crossroad... Should I head..north? Should I head south (east and west is never an option)...

Funny how people behave...
we chase on our dream...
we believe on our vision...
we trust our path...
When the doors open itself...
we hesitate...
we have second thought...
as if it is something that we never ever thought of having...
And here I am..
looking at the open door, and my feet is halfway in...

Funny how people behave...
we never thought of pursuing something...
we never dream of being someone trustworthy...
we never imagine our life will be in that situation...
and we always hope...
we can leave it all behind and start a new life...
And here I am...
looking at the other door...
closed for me...
and part of me feel sad...
feel like I should be in...
but..if I knock...
surely someone will answer with open hands...

Funny how people react to choices...
funny how people hate choices...
funny how people hate when they couldn't make their own choices...
funny how people regret in their own choice...
funny how indecisive people be even when the other door is closed...
Even when the choice has been made by others...

To keep my life going, I always have my principal.
I always have my mission..to keep me motivated..it's not just on my famous 'TO-DO-LIST'..but it's more like faith...if I lose it..only God knows what I would become... And I have tonnes to say about North and South. Both have their pros and cons...and I can simply list 1001 reason for each of them...making it harder for me to decide...
okok..this is about whether I should stay in SAP functional team..the team that I am dreaming of becoming one of them...or the nostalgic testing where I sacrifice myself to work for them without complaints (okok..this is a lie :)) just to get the work done..

Testing faith that I live by everyday...
A story that keep my pride up everyday - I think it's Hersey's US ( I might be wrong but this is a true story). They have inventory system for their stocks. And a client requested an amount of purchase but the system shows there is none in stock. In reality there are tonnes and tonnes in the warehouse...

Can u imagine how much money have they lose by having a system failure? How many deals have they missed? And if only the system was tested...proven and tested, can u imagine how much profit would they make? And I am proud to be a system breaker like I used to do...I never label myself as a tester...but a system QA...and for QA..only people with integrity can do it..who knows what an when to critic...with all this principles in mind...

I know I am bringing great value to the company, to the client..it's not just executing test...executing test...these are the greater and hidden value that we are blind to see... And still...
why why people feels it's 2nd class?
Please don't...I never felt like that..I never hate testing...it's just I love solving people problems...and that's what makes me more keen on SAP functional...

And these dilemma comes in 'handy' after a satisfying meeting yesterday that makes me feel something that I never felt before..satisfaction..great satisfaction!

Faith on SAP Functional From Day 1 learning and knowing SAP..
This is all what I am dreaming for..being the solution solver..being the decision maker..being the person who have the power to control..who projects their ideas..who people look up to...It's hard work..real hard work..been there...done that...
knowing people will depend on the system being designed by me..knowing it's helping their everyday lives...knowing it will do great benefit to them...it really makes me feel good about myself!

So..this is my faith..my motivation..it's not on the work itself..

I have general motivation..not just finishing bundle J in time or running 1000 test in 1 day..it's more than that to life...and I will never be able to be in this role if I didn't have these faith in me...as long as the faith is there..and be reminded to myself..I will never give up..and try to cope..to handle..or learn to adapt suffering..and that's just how I work biologically...

I think this is one of the most emotional post I have ever wrote (exclusion on anything related to my mum)..as I need to decide between these 2 choices..I have reasons for each of it...but I think what I need to do is..A reason from each of them..on what value can I bring to the team, why I should choose them, being me...there is always a general faith inside of me..and if their answers met the faith for the day..then I will definitely can decide..pretty easily!
So far, both of them doesn't met my faith :) so far... but I know one will do...soon


Adeshi mood : Tired..neck pain...confused as ever
Bugsy mood : sleepy..zzzz
Yoshi mood : No wide lens? its ok :D